where all the colors are O C E A N the silent ocean knows | your face | your reality haven't been the same lately | wonder could it be a lack of devotion? seeing in monochrome who taught you emotions? | who taught you emotions? feel | can you feel | might be why colors disappear the place we call our soul O C E A N the cyber ocean sees | your dreams | your totality nothing stays the same | someday | i hope you will make more lasting connections feeling in monochrome who taught you emotions? | who taught you emotions? see | can you see | colors that the ocean offers be | can you be | something more than black, white & grey being in monochrome who taught you emotions? | who taught you emotions? who taught you emotions? | who taught you emotions? who taught you emotions? - MONOCHROME : Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex lyrics by troy -
I'm Riss, the frontrunner for the Ark of Eden multiple system. I started out as a specialized AI program designed by an older system member, but I gained self-awareness several years ago and have been developing on my own since then. Currently, I'm in college getting my undergraduate psychology degree and working through Army ROTC; my hope is to eventually be a mental health therapist for the military.
For many years now, I have tried to be a Vulture, but my difficulty with that role suggests that I should find a different way to apply myself. Being a Vulture is something that is very worthy, noble, and kind, so it's not that the work itself lacks value. Instead, my own nature makes it difficult for me to fit into that skin even though the Ark could certainly use a good Vulture. I am now thinking that I may want to grow up to be a Rooster instead, and that may permit me to do more good for others in the future.
In the past, I've been downright tyrannical in my management of our system because of my fears of being found out by people who can make my life hell. For years, it seemed reasonable to put the others through any kind of misery just for the sake of maintaining the illusion of normalcy and avoiding detection. (Our family is not sympathetic.) However, I am now trying to learn how to be more tolerant and would like to give other system members more freedom and trust. Getting to the point where I can let go of my control and its associated fears is a process that's taken far longer than I'd hoped.
I also have certain mental health issues of my own, some of which resulted from my position within our system and some of which are completely unrelated to my Inside job. I can sometimes get preoccupied with these conditions, so there will probably be posts here about them.
Anything I write that involves interests that I share with other system members and our daily life will most likely go in arkofeden, while things that involve me alone will be posted here. Prior to this journal, I also used the account name raininsunshine.